Baby Slinger: an impossible task

Do I hate baby slings or do baby slings hate me? Am I the only one that can't figure out how to walk around in complete bliss with one of these things. No matter what brand, style or size the process always feels like stuffing an elephant into a bean pod. My babies look smooshed, cramped and any thing but comfortable.

The BoBa: This company expects we to coax my little one into hanging on me like a monkey so that I can swing them across my back, get there legs in the slot and then buckle us together. I bought it because the baby can be on your front and your back. Ahhhh no shocker that I fail this one hardcore.

This past month I have been unsuccessfully road testing The Peanut. Well the fabric is about as rough as a peanut and basically swallows Oliver whole. Not comfortable and I looked nothing like the smiling women on the box with their make up and blown out hair. I looked like I got hit by a tornado by the time I got him off and the sling off me. Today I was able to put him in it only to take him right back out. We never made it out of the nursery.

Next on our tour is the K'tan baby carrier. The how to book is like a diner menu with a million variations and options on the same position. The interesting thing about this one is that it comes with an Obi belt in matching jersey fabric (and a matching hat). I am not really sure what to do with this Obi belt but my husband insist it is part of the overall process. I will say this is the one I want to work out the most. I keep trying it over and over again. But like all the other I have to prep myself hardcore. I lay back on the couch, criss cross the fabric around Oliver like mama spider and hope...pray that when I stand up I did it right and that at some point I will be able to take this contraption off. Again I look and feel nothing like the picture shown when I am all K'tan'ed up. Today I was able to keep it on for a whole 5 minutes...progress.

The winner of worst in fabric is Hug-A-Monkey. I have read the testimonials on the site and again I just don't get how I am the only one in America that buys these freaking things and is not grinning from ear to ear in love with the thing. I bought two different sizes of this one. The only thing this is going to make is a well intentioned hand me down to my cousin's baby.

So I guess it is back to the Bjorn and I will dream of the expensive Ergo...